Ignoring mental health crisis leads to tragedy — Guest blog

This guest blog is a Letter to the Editor of The San Diego Union-Tribune, published November 19 (on page B5 in the print edition). This letter, along with the earlier Letters to the Editor, were prompted by a mass shooting in Thousand Oaks, California on November 7, leaving 13 people dead.

Re “Another mass shooting has readers looking for answers” (Nov. 8): This California tragedy is another sad example of what can happen when parents, who know their son and can see he needs medication or treatment, call the police for help to get their child taken to a hospital on a 5150 evaluation hold and are subsequently told by the police crisis team that he doesn’t meet the criteria of “a threat to himself or others” or is “gravely disabled.”

When will our country change the laws and definitions of when persons with a neurological disorder can be involuntarily medicated and treated until they are returned to rational thought? This untreated state, coupled with our weak gun ownership laws, is the crux of why these shootings are occurring.

A doctor on NPR responded to a reporter’s question, “What we can do to stop this from happening?” His response: “If you see something, say something.” Exactly what his parents did.

Linda Mimms, Poway

Linda shared this Letter to the Editor on Facebook on November 19 with this comment:

When will our society's inhumane laws change in the treatment of neurological brain disorders? When the efforts of thousands of advocates for change—including families, doctors, legislators, and anyone who cares about improving the broken system now in place—force the issue and produce positive results.

Linda Mimms lives in Poway, California.

Facebook: You need more servers!

Is it just me, or has Facebook been having server problems since Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed? Comments are slow to load; I have posts in my News Feed with no story, just comments; and I’m missing stories from friends marked “See First.” C’mon, Facebook, let’s get it together! Brett’s confirmation has invigorated your user!

(This was originally posted on Facebook on November 1. There was no response.)

Fathers can take care of kids, too

On Facebook, Sonya S. asks: "Wondering again this morning whose genius idea it was to make Mothers have to work full time while trying to manage children and all the issues, illnesses, and injuries that come with them."

There are dads at the playgrounds, too, these days. My wife and I discussed which one of us would stay home with the kid. In our case, my wife stayed home but it could have been the other way around. I determined to be fully involved with my son's upbringing and changed his first diaper. We took turns staying home with him when he was sick.

What I found, in running the numbers, is that, due to the marriage penalty, the second family income is taxed at a much higher rate. By the time you add up extra taxes, clothes, day care and transportation, it can actually reduce the family's income more when both parents work than it does for one to stay home. Although I understand that it has been reduced, the marriage penalty is worst if both parents earn above average salaries. In fact, we filed separately in some years to save tax (We paid less Federal tax but more Ohio tax. The net effect was in our favor by several hundred dollars.).

The comments above are based on two-parent families. I don't know if Sonya is married or not. Obviously, if there is just one parent, having one parent working and the other managing the kids isn't an option.

Edited March 26 to fix editing.

Don't discriminate against anyone!

Last Friday, I saw a Facebook post that began, "I noticed a transgender man heading for the dressing room in the women’s clothing store I was shopping at." Correct me if I'm wrong, but most people wouldn't know a transgender person vs. a cisgender person unless someone personally knew the person and told them. How would this "transgender man" look any different than any of the other women in the store (assuming she really means transgender and not cross-dressing)?

Don't believe me? Watch two movies, "Victor, Victoria" and "Tootsie," and you'll see what I mean. Yes, we're not talking about actual transgender people in these movies, but it's easy for me to see how the same person could look both male and female, based on clothing, makeup and hair style.

This is no different than lesbian, gay and bisexual people: Most people have no idea looking at a person what their sexual orientation is. Yes, some people have a "gaydar," but most people don't.

So when you try to discriminate against an LGBTQ person, you may be accidentally discriminating against someone who's completely straight. So don't discriminate, take people as they present themselves, and there won't be a problem.

Don't stress out during the holidays

If you're feeling stressed out and maybe even depressed about the upcoming holidays (Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas and Kwanzaa), I can relate. (I'd include Ramadan but it was in June and July this year.)

If you realize that not a single person is coming to visit you from out of town for the holidays, I can relate.

If much of your family has moved to Florida, leaving you with four or fewer family members for the holidays, I can relate.

If you see those commercials and shows on television where 40 people show up for Thanksgiving and you just want to cry because there's no way your family could get 40 people in one place, I can relate. (Suggestion: Skip the Hallmark channel.)

If you get tired of all the car commercials this time of year because spending $40,000 or more on a car is just not you, I can relate.

If you've just realized you've gained eight pounds in the last month and it isn't even Thanksgiving yet, I can relate. (Start working on your fitness in December; don't wait for January.)

If your work situation seems to be even more hectic and pressure-packed than ever and your boss says, "Holidays? What holidays?", I can relate.

If you feel that the holidays are all about spending money on electronics to replace devices that are still working well, I can relate. (There's little 4K content yet. Just wait.)

If you see a Facebook friend's pictures where her house is all decorated up like Martha Stewart's for the holidays and your house isn't even going to have a Charlie Brown Christmas tree, I can relate. (Remember, she's retired and has time for that.)

If the shorter and shorter days make you pine for those long June days, I can relate.

If your friends are bitching because they just got four inches of snow and you wish that you could have just a bit of snow to cover up your neighbors unraked leaves, I can relate.

If you hate turning on the news because of all the bad stuff going on in the world, including this country, I can relate.

If you wish a real, intelligent, practical, middle-of-the-road businessperson, like Mark Cuban, would run for President, I can relate.

If you're worried that a recession is coming and you might lose 30% in your 401(k) funds in the next few months, I can relate.

If the holidays make you sad because you it reminds you of the grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles who have died and you miss them, I can relate.

If you've lost a spouse, close friend, brothers or sisters or children to death, I can't relate but I do sympathize. I also sympathize if you have a loved one or friend in the hospital or therapy and you really want them to come home before the end of the year.

If one of your pets died this year, I sympathize, even if it was just a goldfish.

There are a lot of things that can make you sad during the holidays. Don't let them. With a blink of an eye, it seems, the holidays will be past and we'll be celebrating New Year's Day with the promise (perhaps naïve) of a brand new year.

If you're really lonely, reach out to a friend. They may not invite you to a family celebration, but maybe you can invite them to lunch and just talk. Go to a movie, sports event or an event where there are other small groups of people where you can pick up some of their energy.

For those who live close to Cincinnati, go to the Vocal Arts Ensemble's Christmas concert. Go to church; if you don't have a church, go to one of the Crossroads Churches. If you're not Christian, look around for a church that fits your beliefs. You can also try my church, First Unitarian Church, which welcomes all faiths. Also in Cincinnati, you can always go to Fountain Square, watch the skaters and pick up good vibes there.

But be proactive. Don't let the holiday season get you down. Try to take the negatives in your life and turn them into positives. That's what I plan on doing.

(Also published on my Facebook page.)

Don't say "never again" ever again

Today is the 70th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz by the Soviet Union. Postings on Facebook contain the phrase, "never again." Feel free to remember the Holocaust but don't say "never again." Maybe never again for Jews, but there have been dozens of massacres since World War II, including one this month where between 600 and 2,000 people died.

Wikipedia reports 32 massacres since World War II of 500 or more people although I admit that these aren't on the scale of the Holocaust. The Khmer Rouge tried to match the Germans, killing between 1.4 million and 2 million people with another 650,000 Cambodians starving to death. This happened in the 1970s and 1980s, within the lifetime of many people reading this post.

We as a country simply can't keep this from happening. Massacres will keep on happening indefinitely. Repeatedly saying "never again" will not change this. So don't do it.

I don't recognize this country any more

As I read the news and some Facebook posts, I feel more and more disconnected to this country, the United States of America. From the House giving sacred Apache lands away to a mining company to ruin, to Duke Energy polluting numerous streams in North Carolina (which would cost $8 billion to clean up but they aren't going to be cleaned up), to CIA interrogation techniques on a par with Hitler's SS, to a friend being stopped by police while literally walking across the street from work to home (he looked like someone they were looking for [not]), to the average CEO earning 331 times of the pay of the average worker, I don't recognize this country any more.

I vote in virtually every election but my vote simply doesn't count. Many people are swayed by hundreds of television ads encouraging them to vote against their own interests. We have troops fighting for our freedoms, we're told, but are they really fighting for the freedom of celebrities to drug and rape young women without punishment?

We lament what happened to the slaves and indigenous people in a previous century but are blind to the atrocities being committed every day in this century. To quote LeBron James, "I can't breathe."

Soon, I'm going to a Christmas concert with live singers (no "live" television with lip-synching) and try to get the cynicism out of my system. Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas, everyone.

Updated Dec. 10: Corrected LeBron's name. How embarrassing!

On Facebook? Buy an ad and quit beating up your supporters!

Years ago, I was Facebook friends with WVXU public radio and, of course, received their Facebook posts. Then they started a begathon and started bombarding me with solicitations on Facebook. This despite my wife and I being sustaining members, meaning that we automatically donate to WXVU on a regular basis. The solicitations became so annoying that I stopped following them although I'm still friends with them.

Yesterday, I unfollowed three more Facebook friends who have been recently bombarding me with fundraising solicitations. It wasn't just one event or fundraiser; it was a whole group of things. I'll miss their regular posts.

If you are involved with an organization on Facebook, don't use it to beat up your supporters with endless solicitations. Buy a Facebook ad instead. For $50, you can reach out to tens of thousands of people, many of whom may not even know you exist. You'll get better results without losing good will with your dedicated supporters.

Beware of phish messages

This was my response to this image of an email message that a friend of mine shared on Facebook. It was originally posted on May 26 by Country 93.3:

"If you get this, you need a better email provider. Phish messages should go into your spam folder.

"Alternatively, use this as a educational message to learn about phish messages. Phish messages may be one way celebrities' nude photos were stolen from Apple's iCloud.

"Another rule: Don't click on the link in the message. Go to a new window or, better yet, a different browser and sign on the regular way. Then you can see for yourself if the problem really exists.

"Sadly, this may based on a real Netflix message. Many big companies are clueless where security is concerned and actually send phish-like messages to their own customers."

Prayer: Creating the illusion of helping

Recently, the college-age daughter of a friend of mine, let's call her Jennifer (not her real name) got drunk and slipped on a boat dock, fracturing her spine. The doctors were able to patch her up and she has no paralysis now, but she will be forever vulnerable to further injury which could cause her to become a paraplegic.

When my friend posted this news on Facebook, there was an outpouring of support: "Sending prayers to both of you." "Prayers, love and hugs" "Praying for her, for you, for the doctors and nurses." were just three of the messages.

Let's get this straight right now: There is no "Prayer Central" in Heaven with operators standing by. You can pray all you want but they go nowhere. How do I know? Are you telling me that nobody prayed for Jennifer before she broke her back? Of course they did! Her mother did, at a minimum. And yet, despite these prayers, she got drunk and slipped and fell. You have two choices here: Either prayer is ineffective or God (or Jesus Christ, if that is your God) listens to your prayers and decides to totally screw up your life because She didn't like the way you prayed.

I do not believe in a vengeful God. The God I believe in represents Love, Spirit, Truth, Kindness and Light and would never do something to hurt one person for the benefit of others. Praying to God for victory in either sports or war is meaningless.

Friday, my wife and son, who car pool to work, were five minutes late. As they merged from one highway to another, they found the new highway to be almost vacant. A concrete mixer had tipped over before the merge, blocking several lanes. Did God tip over the concrete mixer, injuring the driver and delaying hundreds of cars, so that my wife and son could get to work on time? Of course not!

If prayer doesn't help a situation, it must have some benefit. It does. The person doing the praying, and posting about it on Facebook, receives the illusion that they are doing something positive about a bad situation. In reality, they are doing nothing but they feel good because they think they have done something good. Also, in the case of Jennifer, her mother benefits because she found out that there is a whole community of people who are there to support her. But did the prayer affect the outcome? Not a bit. Jennifer will never be whole and will have to live with a partially mended back for the rest of her life.

The good news to me is that I see no harm in prayer. It is not going to make things worse. And I'm sure people who pray are better off for it. But thinking that it changes events in life is false.

People will disagree with me. Feel free to post comments. But if you feel hate, remember that hate has no place in God's world. If you believe in a Devil, hate is one of the Devil's tools. Hateful comments will not be allowed but you can go ahead and tell me I'm going straight to Hell because I don't believe in Hell.

The tipping policy in Bruce's world

Here are my tipping policies. For some reason, I almost always get good service in restaurants. It may be because they have some way of sensing that I'm a good tipper or that I go to the same restaurants and they recognize me. I sense that some restaurants are especially nice to people they haven't seen before because they want the people to come back.

Restaurants
I take the total before tax, round up to the nearest $5 and take 20% of that (an easy calculation). At buffet restaurants, I typically tip 10%.

The minimum tip is $2 per person. Many restaurants are trying to keep lunch costs down and I can eat lunch for $6 at a restaurant (trick: get water to drink; soft drink prices are outrageous and iced tea is ever worse).

I don't drink so I don't know what the rule is for alcoholic beverages. When I'm paying for other's drinks, I believe I have kept the 20% rule but trimmed the amount a bit.

Sometimes I order carryout for another person along with my meal. If I do this, I tip on the carryout amount as well. The servers I have worked with go overboard to make sure that the carryout meal is correct and brought to the table at the right time.

If I use a gift card or receive a major discount, I disregard that when paying the tip (i.e. I tip on the full amount before the gift card or discount). This would also apply to a meal purchased with a Groupon deal.

I don't mind if my server has to share tips with the busboy but if a restaurant has tip pooling or a similar system and I hear about it, I will no longer patronize that restaurant. My tip is intended to be a payment to my specific server.

If I receive bad food or service, most of the time it isn't the server's fault. I sometimes reduce the tip but usually I will avoid patronizing that restaurant for a while. I rarely complain to the manager; I just move on.

I saw a post on Facebook recently about the sad life of a server and why she really needed tips. This is not my concern and I really don't want to know about my server's personal life. My tip is not done out of sympathy, it is a reward for good service. I tip the same whether my server is a millionaire or on food stamps.

If you can't afford the tip, don't patronize the restaurant. Go to a less expensive restaurant or to a fast-food place. Or, radical idea, go to a grocery store and fix your own meal. I remember paying a $30 tip at the Montgomery Inn Boathouse but the service, food and view were impeccable. I was happy to pay it.

Riverboat cruise with dinner
I usually tip 10% of the meal cost (buffet rule). If there is a live piano player, I usually tip him a dollar or two.

Hotels and motels
My room rate is typically less than $100 per night. I tip $3 per day including the last day to the cleaning folks. I have found that I need to put a note next to the tip; one day, I just left $3 on the table and it was still there that night.

Valet parking
I avoid valet parking like the plague. It's just a habit of the rich that I prefer to avoid. If I did use valet parking, I would tip $2. Many years ago, I would have tipped a dollar, but I like to adjust for inflation.

Ballpark or Football Stadium
If I get an usher who insists on wiping down my already clean seat, I tip a dollar. I put the dollar in my side pocket ahead of time so it's not so obvious that I'm tipping.

Movers
On a recent move that took two hours, I tipped $5 per person. I made sure each person got his $5; I didn't want the driver pocketing everyone's tip.

Mechanic or Tow Truck Driver
I don't tip these folks. I wonder if the tow truck driver is already ripping me off so I'm not going to tip him. Usually, the driver is just happy that I'm not yelling at him; you would not believe the abuse they get when they're just trying to help you.

Taxi Cab
I took a taxi a couple of years ago in Chicago with three other people for just a few blocks. There is a charge on the meter for extra people but the driver put in four instead of the correct three. He only cheated himself as I had already planned to pay him $10. I don't take cabs much so I'm not an expert here.

Barber
I have been going to the same barber for over 20 years. When I first started with him, he was less expensive than my previous barber, so I tipped him $2. I have tipped him $2 ever since and now he is even less expensive than Great Clips. He also owns the shop and supposedly you're not supposed to tip the owner, but I don't care.

Restrooms
In the South, I have used restrooms with attendants. Sorry, I don't tip to pee.

Anything I've missed?

The new Gmail Inbox: I like it

I like the new Gmail Inbox with tabs, which I got yesterday. I'm training it as there are some things that are showing up under the wrong tab. But for the most part, the default classification is good. Here is a screen shot of the top of my Inbox*:

My understanding is that "Primary" is the default tab for any conversations (groups of messages) not showing up under the other tabs.

"Social" are messages connected with social media, such as LinkedIn, Facebook, and blogs I've subscribed to, etc.

"Promotions" are messages that have an advertising flavor to them. Promotions are not spam as that goes into the spam filter. A sample message is like the one I got from Toyota today, "Bruce, Get a First Look at the All-New Corolla."

"Updates" are more newsy items from companies that I have a relationship with. A typical entry is from Fidelity Investments, "Tax-smart investing tips."

As I mentioned, I'm training it. For example, the two messages from Cincinnati.com showing in image showed up under "Updates" and I want news like this to be under "Primary." To move them, I selected them with a check in the box at the left then right-clicked (left-clicked for left handers) on the message and selected "Move to Tab ➜" then "Primary". I got a confirmation message that the message had been moved and this:
"Do this for future messages from newsletters@e.cincinnati.com? Yes".

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* Yes, I have 14,435 messages in my Inbox of which 4,868 are unread. Google said when I signed up that I don't have to delete messages any more and I listened to them. I recently searched for and used a message I wrote in 2008.

Earlier this week, I passed a milestone that I like: I have now reached over 1,000 page views on this blog. Someone out there is reading my stuff.

iOS 7 or iPhone 6: Improvements that I would like to see

Apple Computer is going to release iOS 7 for the iPhone and iPad this fall. They are also expected to release a new iPhone this fall (either a 5S or 6). I currently am using an iPhone 4S running iOS 6. Here are some improvements that I would like to see in the new operating system and/or phone:

• The date on the Calendar app changes every day. I want the Weather app to show the correct current temperature (now it always shows 73º) and the Clock app to show the correct local time (now it always shows 10:15). I understand that changing the Weather and Clock apps could use up the battery faster but I'm confident that Apple can figure out how to accomplish this without wasting battery power (mostly by not updating when I can't see the display).
• I want to select the default browser (I prefer Chrome to Safari) and the default maps (Google Maps is still more accurate than Apple's Maps app).
• Many apps (such as Facebook and LinkedIn) include a browser within the app. When you're done with a page in the browser, you tap the back arrow at the top of the screen to go back to the app. Others (sorry, I can't come up with an example) use Safari to display web pages. However, in Safari, there is no back arrow to go back to the app; you have to leave Safari and try to remember which app you were in. The link to Safari should have a back arrow to take you back to the app.
• Speaking of back arrows, why is Safari's at the bottom of the screen instead of the top like every other app?
• Here's one that has to be fixed in hardware: There are two speakers at the bottom of the phone. That's great for portrait mode, but when I rotate the phone to look at a video in landscape mode, the way it was designed to be seen, all of the sound comes out of the left side. There needs to be one or two speakers on the top as well (the second added speaker is for people who rotate the other way).
• When I go into a restaurant with free Internet through wi-fi my phone connects to it with a minimum amount of hassle. So far, so good. Sometimes, the wi-fi is dog slow and I can't do anything with it. Currently, I have to turn the wi-fi off so I can get the faster speed of 3G (yes, it does happen that 3G is faster). I want the phone to select the faster of wi-fi or 3G (4G for later models) for my connection in this situation.
• I would like two improvements to the Contacts list in the Phone app: The ability to rearrange the sequence of phone numbers in a contact and the ability to display the company name in place of the phone number type. For example, if I look at my recent calls, I see that Sam at "work" called me recently. I would prefer that the entry say Sam at Acme Staffing Service (not the real company) instead. I usually don't care what number within the contact he used to call me.

That's all the changes I want today. Let's see how many of these get fixed in the next release of software and hardware.

Updated July 21 to fix grammar and formatting.

Two distinctive houses for sale in Cincinnati

I did something today I rarely do: I stopped at an open house. I've been driving past this house several times a week, watching the remodeling in progress, since my mother moved to Cincinnati in February. This house is distinctive because it has five front doors. I asked the Realtor®, Doug Spitz, about this and he said that it's a decorative touch and it's not like the house had five small apartments originally. The house is located at 1615 Spring Lawn Ave., Cincinnati (Northside) 45223, which is at the corner of Spring Lawn and Hamilton Ave. At the open house, there was a lot of interest in this house; there were at least 10 groups of people at the open house in the 10 minutes that I was there. Price: $280,000.

(Note: The U.S. Postal Service, which I consider authoritative, says the street is "Spring Lawn" but Dusty Rhodes, the Hamilton County (Ohio) Auditor, says it's "Springlawn" (see screen shots). Somebody should get these two on the same page.)

While I'm on the subject of houses, I'd like to mention the church-house for sale at 4117 34th Ave., Cincinnati (Oakley) 45209. Since it's converted from a church to a house, it has a nice performance space that would be ideal for a musician or other types of artists (art gallery, theater?). My connection: one of my friends is a friend of the owner. This house has a Facebook page. Price: $284,000.

(Once again, we have a difference in street names. The USPS says it's "34th Ave." while Dusty says it's "Thirty-Fourth St." [34th St. is in Covington, Ky.])

These two houses are interesting opposites yet similar in price. The former is for someone who wants luxury living in a small space and the latter is quite a bit larger but could be a lot of fun. Both are in the City of Cincinnati and close to downtown.

Financial Disclosure: I do not have a financial interest in either of these houses and I will not receive or accept any compensation when either house is sold. It is not likely that I will purchase either house. It's my blog and I can feature houses that catch my eye if I want!